I wish that energy and motivation could join me every day. My general strength isn't too shabby. I can easily lift my 160 pound husband.... and carry around 30 pounds of energy and mayhem everywhere I go... but my midsection is a mess. It looks like there's another person just clinging to me. Unfortunately, pleading, yelling and shoving them trying to make them climb off hasn't worked. I'm honestly petrified about abdominal work outs at this point. I have 4 scars.. 1 very large one from an unwanted, traumatic, un-necessary (IMO.. but we'll save that rant for another day) "emergency" c-section and 3 from the removal of my gallbladder less than 2 months following the removal ("birth") of my son. During a move that seemed so simple (a lunge) yesterday I felt a horrible streak of pain through my c-section scar... Somehow that terrifies me. Even though I know it's healed (going on 2.5 years) when I feel something like that I freak out that my insides are going to fall out. I know it's probably nearly impossible.. but that's what it feels like.. I'm being torn open. I stood straight, breathed, got over it and went back to the work out and didn't feel that pain again. I'm disgusted with what my body has become. I danced for almost 10 years (or was it over 10?) and the idea that I'm losing my ability to move the same way I used to is so upsetting to me. I was SO flexible... Still clumsy and overweight but damn, I could so easily contort myself. My double jointed 24 year old body has become one you wouldn't be surprised to see from an in-active 60 year old mother of... well multiple sets of multiples. I have ONE child, eat relatively healthy (working on cutting back to my recommended 1650 per my nurse/diabetic coach) and do try to at least walk multiple times a day... Yet still I am teetering on the edge of being considered diabetic (type 2) am dangerously overweight. I'd be pencil thin but I *could* loose 100 lbs and still be a functioning human... How does that happen? I LOST weight when I was pregnant from being so sick and haven't gained a significant amount since his birth.
The problems are... my walks consist of slow walking while holding onto a small child and trying to not be tripped by two neurotic beagles and NEED to be strenuous and continuous for 30-40 minutes. My "normal" work outs don't last much more than 15 minutes and aren't "proper" as I have to keep switching up what I'm doing to deal with the little guy crawling all over me and constantly asking me for things and trying to persuade me to go play with him. My caloric intake is messed with when my son insists on eating the bulk of my healthy lunch and leaving me with whatever he doesn't want. He's a veggie fiend and I care so much about his health that if there's only one tomato (or whatever the bulk of my meal is supposed to be) left he gets it.. I've been trying to prepare his meal first and then eat mine while I clean up the kitchen (which I hate to do as meals should be a family event and we rarely all get to eat together).. but either I eat too quickly or wind up forking my meal over as seconds to the little guy. I also hate to waste food.. so if he has left over crackers or a bite of bread or the rest of an apple I finish it. If it's something dry that wont spoil I put it in a container (I'm conscious of what I need to be doing and do make an effort.) Half an apple, a small chunk of whole wheat bread or half a banana, etc. doesn't seem like it's much... but when it happens 4, 5, 6 or more times a day.. it adds up.. and quick! Of course days like today where I prepare myself for it to happen and wait to eat my meals it doesn't happen!
My son has always been such a lousy sleeper. He wakes up so easily.. The thought of getting up and taking our active dog for a run or at very least a nice long power walk sounds like such a terrific way to start my day.. but I can't manage to even get out of bed with out waking my little guy. Not to mention even now many nights aren't much longer than 4 straight hours of sleep and a few hours of uncomfortable sitting up and snuggling a cranky little man...
Oh yesterday, you were so beautiful...fleeting, but wonderful. I stayed up well past midnight scrubbing our kitchen floors because I just had so much extra energy to burn... Waking up less than 5 hours after going to bed I was so un-prepared to face the day... especially TOday... the day my husband is sleeping at the library after his exam, studying and then heading to a midnight showing of Thor and then probably heading back to school. Why yes, I am married to a Marvel Super-Nerd... and in this home that is a compliment! By day.. chemist and physicist.. by night.. super dad!
Okay, he must have another super power.. making me feel motivated to get off the computer and work out while I have the chance!
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