Yarn Along Number 5

Joining Small Thing's Yarn Along again this week.

Currently reading "Wool Pets" by Laurie Sharp for some tips on needle felting.  To be honest I was too impatient to get much beyond the title before cracking open my new bag of roving and barbed needles.. I'd say what I did turned out pretty well considering I've never needle felted before.

Simple ribbed scarf for Knit for Japan freshly off my crochet hook.... And another one is in the works.  My hat from last week is questionable.... I sewed up the sides but I'm not sure how the top is going to come together and haven't had time to carefully work on it undisturbed. 

Made Somewhere Between Sunday And Monday...

This weekend my family and I attended Carolina Fiber Festival.  It was held at the Raleigh Fairgrounds along with NC Festival so it was somewhat of an overwhelming event.  We didn't expect it to be as large as it was and didn't take our stroller the first trip there and didn't stay as long as we had planned (2.5 year olds don't like to walk long distances and get heavy fast...).. nor did I get a chance to really look through the beautiful yarn for sale.  Imagine tons of carnival games and rides....

... and thankfully some free healthy fun for little ones!

Sat night I pulled out a little kit I had purchased a few months back and I was immediately hooked.  I knew I didn't want to stick to just using kits... To be honest they're kind of cheesy... and aren't exactly all needle-felting.  The kit I have requires additional colors to be added by sewing threads over the felting. 

Needlefelted bee that still needs yellow accent threads sewn on.

We decided to go back on Sunday and I was sucked back into the same section of felting fibers.  The yarns throughout the same ranged from $25-95+ so it was all a bit out of my budget range.  The roving however was much more reasonably priced than what I'm used to seeing in chain craft stores.  So on Sun while holding large ziplock bags of 9 assorted colors in large chunks for $15 I caved... I chose 2 instead of the 4 I was drooling over and walked up to the person selling the fibers.  I asked a few questions (I'm always concerned with the treatment of the animals/where the fibers come from, what they're dyed with etc.) and preceded to pay for the roving.  I would have preferred to find naturally dyed fibers but I decided to settle for what I could afford!  I'm a beginner needle-felter anyway.. there's a chance I'm going to felt $30 worth of wool roving into a giant mess, right?

 My first attempt at a little creature turned out best of all.  Unfortunately I was unable to get a clear shot of it (the lighting stinks in here)... It still needs a face added but I was too sleepy by the time I got to that stage to deal with any more intricate decorations.  Each tiny swirl on the shell was done with an almost thread sized piece of roving and took longer than the entire turtle.  I am now wishing I had done a dark shell with light colored swirls.  

Turtle

My second creature didn't turn out quite as well but then again it was probably getting very, very late at that point.  I think it will be more clear that this little guy is a frog when he has a pair of eyes and a mouth and not a green cat as my husband thought when I first showed it to him.

Frog

I unfortunately realized the bags I bought did not include yellow or orange.. two colors I need to make a little goldfish and a bee for my little guy.  Thankfully I had a golden brown to create the belly of the turtle.

I'd like to say there is plenty of time for more needlefelting this week but I've fallen behind on my Knit for Japan projects.  I finished the hat (all but sewing up the top and adding a pom-pom) and it DOES fit an adult size head!  I also finished a matching scarf (all but weaving in the ends) and started a second scarf.  At minimum I will have those three things finished in time but I would like to at least make a handful of washcloths to send also.

Organizing Bliss

I'm sure I've mentioned in other posts how busy my hubby is.  Before we moved here he worked full time and went to school full time earning his Associates in Natural Sciences (focused on chemistry.)  He worked really hard so that I didn't have to work outside of our home.  When we first had our son I was working and taking our son with me and trying to take care of him and do my stressful job at the same time.  It was a nightmare and my boss was going through her own "stuff", doing little work and taking all her stress out on me.  I eventually just couldn't take the drama anymore and had to leave and was honestly so burnt out I couldn't face the thought of trying to find a new job and have to plop our son in daycare or with a family member.  I was so thankful (and still am) that he was not only be in charge of our only income but encourage me to be a stay at home mother.  However, it has come at a cost (and I don't just mean monetarily.)  Our 5 moves in 4 years all mixed in with our little guy being a surprise, both of us in school, emergency c-section, colic, PPD, gallbladder surgery all along with the "normal" everyday stress have taken a toll on us physically.  With all the moves, several of which were last minute, I became unorganized..  Just throw it in a box and I'll get to it when I get to it became my philosophy..

Well I never did "get to it".  A little guy who never did nap (or sleep much in general) and who wants to "help" (more like break things and shred important papers) mommy at every turn made me put it off.. My parents would drop off boxes and boxes of "stuff" that was "mine" that they wanted out of their house and that added to the box skyscrapers in our closets, empty corners, and anywhere we could find a space.  I filled several huge tubs of clothing, shoes, household items, etc and donated them but it didn't seem to help.  So many people tried to help us out when we got married so young and had a baby shortly after.. We must just need every thing they want to get rid of!  Old shoes, clothes, things that barely work, stained towels, travel soaps from hotels, the list goes on and on .. and on.... I am very, very thankful for the things we were given that we were able to use but I honestly started to feel like a bit of a hoarder.  I was so afraid to get rid of things because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.  Heck, I felt bad when I used things so much that I wore them out!  I can't keep a giant 30 year old blender that no longer will hold any liquid because someone gave it to me and because maybe.. just maybe someday I'll find a thrift store that will have a new jar! 

This past week my husband finished his in class classes for the semester.  He had a 10 day break that is almost over that he has spent earning some extra money online, studying for his summer and fall classes and taking breaks to take our son for walks and playground trips.  I have been able to get more done in a matter of days than I've gotten done in YEARS!  Boxes and boxes EMPTY!  So many papers in our recycle.. so many broken things that should have been thrown away years ago (less than I expected though).. so many random things that never belonged in boxes.. and trash.. how the heck did an empty shampoo bottle get put in with a box of papers?!?  Christmas decorations in with papers.. seriously, how did I get so FREAKING many papers?!?  Paper dolls and American doll pins.. wow, my parents really did dig way down into their closets pulling out all the stuff that was mine!  On the upside.. so many little things to add to my crafting supplies! 

I feel like I've accomplished so much.. but then I look at our bedroom closet and cringe!  SO many more boxes.. so many more papers that I don't want to read and try to decide if they're important!  So many clothes that don't fit me properly.... seriously, if I get rid of everything that doesn't fit right..or is stained, worn, etc... my neighbors are going to call the cops!

It is so nice to be able to see certain walls that I haven't seen since before our stuff arrived .. it is so nice to be able to finish a crochet project because I can just sit down while someone else gets a juice or a bowl of Cheerios for my little guy.. I'm going to miss all the help (strangely enough I do get a little jealous when all requests start with "DADDY DADDY!!")... but I appreciate what I've managed to get done in these past few days and all of the organization that I've managed to accomplish will help me with my every day routine and once I'm through the rest of the boxes I will be left with a bit more me time.. when I should probably be sleeping at night!  I can't wait to take advantage of my newly organized craft supplies!  And of course I can't wait to turn my scribbles in my notebooks into the etsy account I've been thinking about for over a year! The time is coming.. I just know it!

Fourth Yarn Along

Well upon signing in to write my Yarn Along from beyond my title I found that last week's post has re-appeared! Minus the comments it originally had... but at least it's back (even if I already re-posted one with the pictures!)  Anyway, I am joining Small Thing's Yarn Along again this week!

No pictures of my knitting this week.  I decided to make an attempt to cast on a pair of socks this week... after it fell onto the floor (probably with some help) at least three times and me eventually doing something wrong while working down the cuff I decided to give up for the time being.  I apparently need to sit un-interrupted to really figure out sock-making. 

I also un-knitted(?)/ripped out a scarf that was about at the half way mark because the yarn is no longer made and I am tired of seeing it sit there in my WIP basket taunting me.  I found someone on Ravelry selling the same yarn in a different color.. if it is still available I may buy it as it was cheaper than what I paid and I'm not sure what to do with a sequin-y and fluffy yarn in that small of an amount.  I've been hoping to get around to making my mom a hat with that yarn for Christmas since she liked it so much.. I'm pretty sure I can make that happen with two skeins of this particular yarn.

I also haven't made nearly as much progress on my "Knit for Japan" projects as I had hoped. An ear infection that although not the most painful I've ever had has been bugging me for nearly two weeks now and my neighbors seem to have their nights and days mixed up and are keeping us up at night so exhaustion has taken over my knitting and crocheting time.  I've been caffeinating the heck out of myself every day and just force myself to be up and moving.. because I know if I sit down for a minute I'm going to fall asleep (then be woken up moments later and be miserable.) 

This week's progress

I "think" the hat is ready to sew up.  I really did think I had made it more than long enough to fit an adult.. but after jokingly trying it on my little guy and folding the bottom up to the length I thought it looked best... I think it's more child-sized...  Of course he takes after his mama in head size.. so maybe it would fit a "normal" adult.  We picked up "The Velveteen Rabbit" by Margery Willams at Goodwill the other day and I have been trying to convince my little one to allow me to read it to him ever since.  He is such a strange child.. I don't know many other children who recognized their letters by 18 months old.. yet he wont even let us sit and read to him.  He's going on 2.5 and has been like this since he was a few months old.  We normally just pick up books and just start reading them aloud while he plays until he angrily comes and rips it out of our hands... and forget snuggling and being read to!  Anyway, this book holds a special place in my heart.  I remember sitting in the hospital waiting room as a small child (probably not even 3 years old) reading this book over and over with my mom while we waited for our neighbor to finish her chemotherapy treatments.  All memories connected to her are special to me... I wish there were more.

My reading this week has consisted of researching different plants that I would like to grow and working on a spreadsheet of seasonal plants that would be part of my dream garden.  Part of me hopes we do have to relocate in 2 years and wind up somewhere that I'm able to at very least have a small potted garden.  Here I don't even have windowsills that would comfortably hold a potted plant.  I'm oh-so-very tempted to plug in our aero-grow in our laundry room.. but it needs new bulbs ($20), a new growing kit (another $20), electricity (plenty of money I'm sure!), nutrients (about $20) and distilled water....  And considering the tiny bit we get out of it.. it is so not worth it!  Maybe some week when we're below our grocery bill max (I can dream right) I'll get a basil plant and see if I can manage to keep it alive in our window-less kitchen that gets a little bit of light.  I grew up playing in our great big vegetable garden.. eating tomatoes right off the vines, chewing on pieces of different kinds of mint and making special "medicines" to rub all over our scraped knees with my neighborhood friends.  I wish I could provide those kinds of memories for my son.  I cringe while he plays in the grass that I assume is sprayed with all kinds of pesticides and we go on long, long walks just trying to find a small handful of flowering weeds for him to pick. 

The "Never Ending Blanket"

The never ending blanket has received a few rows..  I got tired of looking at a tiny little end hanging off in the middle of a row so I picked up another skein of blue yarn, finished that row and 2 rows of white.  Slow progress but at least it is progress!  I think I made a few wrong stitches... but I honestly can't quite tell where...  I just suddenly realized I was doing Half Double Crochet like the hat I've been working on instead of regular old Double Crochet like I was supposed to do... I asked my husband to take a look at it and make sure it didn't stand out to him.. it didn't.  So instead of ripping out an entire row (which takes over an hour) and start it over I just kept going.  I'm sure if someone who really knew what they were looking for took a magnifying glass and scrutinized it they could find it.. but it really doesn't look like there's a mistake just looking at it as a whole. 

Third Yarn Along

WOOHOO!!! It's Wednesday!  And you know what that means!  Yarn Along over at Small Things! I don't know if I have mentioned this before... but Yarn Along really makes Wednesdays my favorite day of the week.



No major reading again this week.  I'm not illiterate I promise.  I have been paging through the book " Baby Gifts -Simple Heirlooms To Make And Give" by Ethel Brennan day dreaming about making itty bitty booties and sewing cute little baby clothing... At least day dreaming about a second child is still allowable..



****PICTURE WILL BE LOADED SOON*  We are currently experiencing trouble with a computer virus that keeps re-appearing even after we run our anti-virus and I don't want to risk my memory card being infected!******



I started the first adult sized crocheted hat (large enough for someone with a giant cranium like myself) that I plan to donate last night.  I managed to get about half way with in those 24 hours.  I had forgotten how far the yarn that I'm using goes. It is unlabeled so I have no idea what the brand is and it is probably at least as old as I am.  It is left over from my mom's baby blanket crocheting days.  Thankfully it was safely packed away and hasn't shown any damage due to its age.  It is a very thin baby yarn and I'm doubling it up.  I created a knit child's scarf with the same yarn (same ball actually) and it came out beautifully so I hope that it will come out just as well in hat form.



No further progress on the Never Ending Blanket that I posted last week.. The dishcloth however is finished!  After I'm sure the computer virus is out of our lives I will post a finished picture of it on my Ravelry page for anyone who is interested (link on the side bar to the right of my home page.)

(My original yarn along from May 11th reappeared a week from when I originally posted it.)

Thrift Store Exploring....

Well we finally did it.. we went out thrift store hopping this weekend.  I am semi-disappointed that there seems to only be two with in a reasonable drive (one of which is a little far and one of which is just about RIGHT across the street.. a very busy street that I wouldn't dare walk across...)

Thrift Store # 1-The "far" one
I'll keep the name of the store to myself due to my feelings on it.  It had a TERRIFIC rating online so I was super disappointed when it kind of fell into the stereotypical thrift store that makes the "general" public leery of thrift stores.  It was FILTHY.  Absolutely disgustingly filthy...  Trash on the floor, general.. well filth everywhere, tons of people leaving their children unsupervised.. many of which had a serious sounding hacking cough that I personally would never even think to leave the house with (I suppose I shouldn't be surprised since a bunch of those kids came in with out their shoes on while wearing white socks that were filthy with in seconds... and it wasn't a lack of being able to afford shoes either with this particular family), badly beaten merchandise that was very picked over and more than a few of the customers were well overdue for a shower.  About the only thing they weren't lacking in was stuffed animals... which seriously, I don't think I'd ever buy used... I just couldn't do it.  I know they run off of donations so they have what they have... but seriously... a coat of paint or just a general mopping of the floor would do this place some serious favors.  On the upside I don't see them throwing out donations if they're not perfect so I will be taking my boxes of donations there.

We picked through the store.. found a small fridge magnet puzzle for $.75 (not a fan of plastic toys but I felt like I should buy "something" after standing in the toy section for over an hour w/ DS) and two cute children's shirts for $0.75... one of which upon scrutinizing I put back realizing there was a big unfix-able hole in it.  DS will be thrilled with his new train shirt once it's washed.


Thrift Store # 2-  Newly Built Goodwill

TOTAL opposite of the first store.. if anything it was "almost" not thrift store-y at all.  It was immaculate.. absolutely immaculate.  The merchandise was marked much higher than what I'm used to but it was also very nice items (obviously donated from Mansionville next door to us.)  I fell in love with a cute little lamp.. but when I saw $14 on it.... for a tiny little lamp.. I decided against it.  Some other home decor...a 3 piece candle holder... iron work and glass.. two of my weaknesses... over $5 for each piece... making it about $16... no thanks.  Cute little set of Lenox Christmas trees... well I couldn't reach it but I was quite sure it was at least $16..

We found a decent stack of children's books that were all in terrific shape for $1.50 each.. a little more than I'd normally pay.. but they were in nearly perfect condition.  I didn't realize until after we were home that I was over charged for the softback books we purchased for DS...It may have had something to do with him being difficult at the register and me not paying attention to what they were ringing up. 

The hubby got two really nice light weight sweaters for less than $5 each.  I'm happy to say although we didn't find much in his size that we have hope of being able to do our clothing shopping at GW.  That is something I've never been able to say about a thrift store.  Normally it's either all beaten clothing or all dress clothes but this place had a nice selection.  Wish we would have had a GW like this back in PA.. The GW near us closed because no one ever wanted to shop there!  The only thing I wish would be done differently at this particular store is that they would organize by size and not color.. just a little pet peeve.. I don't have time to sort through every piece of clothing in a store.  I organize by color in my own closet (well I used to.. haven't gotten that far here yet here... man I wish I had taken pictures of my old closet!)... but color doesn't help me much when I'm shopping.. though I can just pass by the entire orange section with ease!

Now, if only they'd get a good donation of something other than grandma acrylic yarn...  They had a WHOLE shopping cart full and I dug through.. until I found packs of depends mixed in and took it as a sign.  Darn! :-(

Third Yarn Along

WOOHOO!!! It's Wednesday!  And you know what that means!  Yarn Along over at Small Things! I don't know if I have mentioned this before... but Yarn Along really makes Wednesdays my favorite day of the week.

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The above is all Blogger managed to save of my Yarn Along.  Thanks Blogger.

I thought I'd take a few moments to re-create it just incase anyone cares.
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I haven't done much reading this week either.  I'm not illiterate, I promise.  The bulk of my reading has been flipping through the "Baby Gifts- Simple Heirlooms To Make And Give" by Ethel Brennan.  Honestly, there was much more daydreaming about making teeny tiny baby booties and little baby outfits than there was reading.  I am regretful that I was not able to make the effort to prepare for our son in that way.  A surprise baby, a super busy work schedule and eight and a half months of morning sickness will do that to you. 

I did finally begin the hat that I plan to donate to "Knit for Japan" (link to details on the sidebar.)  With-in 24 hours I was about half way (sadly since then I haven't made quite as much progress.)  I hope to be at the "sewing up" phase if not completely done by the Yarn Along next week.  The hat itself is made from an acrylic baby yarn which is doubled up (I had forgotten how far this particular yarn goes).  I unfortunately have no idea what the brand is as there are no labels.  It is yarn left over from my mother's crocheting days.  The same balls made a cute little girl's scarf with the addition of a few scraps of colored baby yarn (which reminds me I have to make flowers to cover some imperfections on that scarf as it is still in my "WIP" basket.) The only problem with this yarn (aside from it being acrylic which is more a personal preference) it is horribly knotted inside and requires me to hand wind it into balls.   I have four more skeins which I hope to use to make additional hats to donate.  How well this hat comes out will make that decision for me..  Otherwise I'll be working on some wash cloths and maybe a scarf. 

Not much in the knitting world happening this week.  I did finish the dishcloth I was working on last week and I will probably be posting a picture to my Ravelry page (see tool bar to the right for a link.)  I also took a crack at casting on a pair of toddler socks... and failed horribly.  I casted it on just fine (though I could have used a larger needle to cast onto) but wound up dropping it, re-casting on.. then accidentally knitting in the wrong place when I got distracted and came back to it.  Maybe I'll be able to find someone who can sit with me and make sure I'm doing it properly and point out some obvious things I'm sure I'm missing about what part is up and what part is down when we visit PA. 

My Crafting Space Part 1

I just had a very disappointing moment having found out that my Third Yarn Along from Wed was deleted during Blogger's ... well.. whatever they were doing.  [I'm wondering if that computer virus that tried to get into our computer was a big problem.  Thank you Kaspersky for taking care of us and alerting me of the problem.]

While trying to let go of that frustration and disappointment I perused the updates from different blogs that I follow and came across a post by Little Lovelies  on Craftaholics Anonymous 's  blog.  All I can say is WOW!  The pictures of her crafting space really inspired me.  Granted, I live in an apartment that could quite honestly be about the size of her crafting room, but I am inspired just the same.  I've decided to take some very real (and very embarrassing) pictures of my crafting space as I unpack, clean and organize it.  It will probably take months (if not longer) to get it the way I want it.. but I'll share some honest pictures along the way! 

******Pictures coming soon!*  I want to run our antivirus on a thorough scan before putting my memory card into our computer****

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*Edit*  Apparently I got distracted while taking my before pictures.. so if you think this picture shows a giant mess... you'd probably be sickened by the way it looked before (I know I was).. so let's be glad I missed out on taking a before...

Random Monkey from Philly Zoo Trip in 09

WAIT JUST A MINUTE!... That is NOT my crafting hutch.. that's a monkey's behind!  I did not purposely post that...but it seems appropriate so I'll leave it and take another "crack" at it...

End of Day 1's Clean Up

Ok, that's a little better.. First off, I will admit my need to get better at taking pictures with my camera.. I was getting the hang of my husband's camera before I started this blog.. but I figured I'd better use my camera instead of taking the risk of breaking his beloved (crazy expensive) camera. 

Secondly, it's hard to look at this picture and think about all the time I spent organizing it today and knowing this is as good as it got.  A quarter of the area is all my WIPs..(The Never Ending Blanket, my basket filled with hats for "Knit for Japan", a terrible attempt at a knit sock, a frogged attempt at creating a woven ball made from knit bands, the blue), the white shoe box is actually a photobox filled with a ton of random pictures of my childhood (there's a whole day shot when I need to sit down and organize all of that) and to the left is a bunch of random bits and pieces that don't quite have a category or a place to be housed in my hutch... oh and my clock that I really need to get hung on the wall.  To the right of my work space is just a random crafting bag that I need to find a space for.. and on the floor next to the hutch in the corner is a piece of art work that I made in one of my first college courses... and a pile of canvases that I purchased in hopes of making more.. it's only been what?  6 years?  It could still happen... right?

I wont take a picture and show you the row of boxes against the wall next to my hutch.... With the moving history we've had in our short marriage I have become very slow at unpacking..  We've moved once a year every year for the 4 years we've been living together..that somehow equals 5 moves in 4 years.... We hope to not have to move for another 2 years at the earliest but it sickens me to spend time organizing every knick knack the way I like it and hang every shelf perfectly to just rip it down less than 9 months later.  It doesn't help that this place is SO nice.. big beautiful crown molding, a chair rail in the dinning room, high ceilings and cream walls instead of white.  Ok, it doesn't take much to impress me... but it is by far the nicest place I've ever lived.  Probably even nicer than my parent's home.. (Sorry mom)  My stuff feels small and and crummy here.. and as much as I'd love to go out and purchase or create art and furniture that matches the style of this place.. let's face it, there's no point (even if we did have the funds.)  I'm probably most proud of my dinning room furniture anyway.. so maybe finishing my crafting hutch and dinning room will make me feel better about our apartment and spark the remaining unpacking.

Frogged...

Normally when I hear the word "frog" I think of the adorable little amphibian that my mom would never agree to me having as a pet... (Can't blame her.. she agreed to hamsters, birds, fish, hermit crabs, dogs and chameleons.... as well as my rescue attempts of orphaned baby rabbits, injured baby squirrels and injured birds)

Today however, I am thinking of a much different type of frog......

A's HAT!!

I royally screwed it up.  Gosh darn it!!  I know what I did wrong and know how to prevent it in the future.

I would love to rip out my entire mess up and re-do A's hat... since I know what I did wrong and "could" fix it even though it means ripping out several days worth of work....BUT I also really want to get started on a hat to donate to "Knit For Japan"...  So the question is.. do I rip it out now.. and put it in my "WIP" basket... or do I leave it as is?  I suppose for now just leaving it as is would be the best solution. I just worry that I will find out after getting through yet another hat that I'm incapable of creating one properly! 

On another slightly more promising Knit for Japan note.. I posted a link to the information through my mom's group and another mom thinks she can manage to crank out 5 hats to donate by the deadline!!  WooHoo!!

It Must Be Monday

Little things make me happy.....

Three upcycled jars  filled with sun tea brewing on my windowsill

Pencils that have been waiting for months to be sharpened are officially sharp

Occasionally walking by and squeezing the organic cotton yarn my hubby bought me... (pic doesn't do it justice)

...and equally small things like trying to figure out how to put up the pictures I want on my header of my blog with out making it look terrible frustrate me like crazy!!!!!!

The hat...

My practice run for Knitting (crocheting) for Japan is almost 50% of the way there.  The hat will be for my little boy for next winter as his hats are getting too small.  For having started it Wed night I consider this terrific progress... Hopefully it will fit well and I can continue at this rate and crank out as many hats/scarves/wash cloths as I have yarn by the deadline for the collection. 

The "fabric"

My tension isn't perfect... this is only the second thing I've crocheted that has more than 2 rows....This is also a much different yarn to work with.. it's a sleeker acrylic...

Obviously I've been spending more time crocheting than cleaning up...... Of course it doesn't help that the little guy likes to throw things at me while I'm trying to sneak in a few stitches when I think he's distracted. 

One step forward one giant tumble backwards

I'm not sure what it was... maybe my excitement over the knitting for Japan that I read about first thing in the morning yesterday but a few hours into my day I was really energized yesterday.  I exercised for at LEAST a full hour and when I quickly set an alarm to keep myself honest and going for a little while longer I then disabled the alarm when it went off and kept going.  I did eventually encounter what I've been fearing and avoiding in work outs... pain around my healed incisions.  I don't mind the burn from a good work out.  For me it's more like a reward... proof I really did work out and the sweat wasn't just in my imagination.  Though while trying to do leg lifts with a 30+ lb child clinging to your leg cackling while you raise him into the air without hesitation (over pillows and with your hand gripping the back of his shirt *just in-case*) over and over.. how could it NOT be real??

I wish that energy and motivation could join me every day.  My general strength isn't too shabby.  I can easily lift my 160 pound husband.... and carry around 30 pounds of energy and mayhem everywhere I go...  but my midsection is a mess.  It looks like there's another person just clinging to me.  Unfortunately, pleading, yelling and shoving them trying to make them climb off hasn't worked.  I'm honestly petrified about abdominal work outs at this point.  I have 4 scars.. 1 very large one from an unwanted, traumatic, un-necessary (IMO.. but we'll save that rant for another day) "emergency" c-section and 3 from the removal of my gallbladder less than 2 months following the removal ("birth") of my son.  During a move that seemed so simple (a lunge) yesterday I felt a horrible streak of pain through my c-section scar... Somehow that terrifies me.  Even though I know it's healed (going on 2.5 years) when I feel something like that I freak out that my insides are going to fall out.  I know it's probably nearly impossible.. but that's what it feels like.. I'm being torn open.  I stood straight, breathed, got over it and went back to the work out and didn't feel that pain again.  I'm disgusted with what my body has become.  I danced for almost 10 years (or was it over 10?) and the idea that I'm losing my ability to move the same way I used to is so upsetting to me.  I was SO flexible...  Still clumsy and overweight but damn, I could so easily contort myself.  My double jointed 24 year old body has become one you wouldn't be surprised to see from an in-active 60 year old mother of... well multiple sets of multiples.  I have ONE child, eat relatively healthy (working on cutting back to my recommended 1650 per my nurse/diabetic coach) and do try to at least walk multiple times a day... Yet still I am teetering on the edge of being considered diabetic (type 2) am dangerously overweight.  I'd be pencil thin but I *could* loose 100 lbs and still be a functioning human... How does that happen?  I LOST weight when I was pregnant from being so sick and haven't gained a significant amount since his birth.

The problems are... my walks consist of slow walking while holding onto a small child and trying to not be tripped by two neurotic beagles and NEED to be strenuous and continuous for 30-40 minutes.  My "normal" work outs don't last much more than 15 minutes and aren't "proper" as I have to keep switching up what I'm doing to deal with the little guy crawling all over me and constantly asking me for things and trying to persuade me to go play with him.  My caloric intake is messed with when my son insists on eating the bulk of my healthy lunch and leaving me with whatever he doesn't want.  He's a veggie fiend and I care so much about his health that if there's only one tomato (or whatever the bulk of my meal is supposed to be) left he gets it.. I've been trying to prepare his meal first and then eat mine while I clean up the kitchen (which I hate to do as meals should be a family event and we rarely all get to eat together).. but either I eat too quickly or wind up forking my meal over as seconds to the little guy.  I also hate to waste food.. so if he has left over crackers or a bite of bread or the rest of an apple I finish it.  If it's something dry that wont spoil I put it in a container (I'm conscious of what I need to be doing and do make an effort.)  Half an apple, a small chunk of whole wheat bread or half a banana, etc. doesn't seem like it's much... but when it happens 4, 5, 6 or more times a day.. it adds up.. and quick!  Of course days like today where I prepare myself for it to happen and wait to eat my meals it doesn't happen! 

My son has always been such a lousy sleeper.  He wakes up so easily.. The thought of getting up and taking our active dog for a run or at very least a nice long power walk sounds like such a terrific way to start my day.. but I can't manage to even get out of bed with out waking my little guy.  Not to mention even now many nights aren't much longer than 4 straight hours of sleep and a few hours of uncomfortable sitting up and snuggling a cranky little man...

Oh yesterday, you were so beautiful...fleeting, but wonderful.  I stayed up well past midnight scrubbing our kitchen floors because I just had so much extra energy to burn...  Waking up less than 5 hours after going to bed I was so un-prepared to face the day... especially TOday... the day my husband is sleeping at the library after his exam, studying and then heading to a midnight showing of Thor and then probably heading back to school.  Why yes, I am married to a Marvel Super-Nerd... and in this home that is a compliment!  By day.. chemist and physicist.. by night.. super dad! 

Could it be?  Is that a cape peeking out from under his shirt?  And, why yes, one of his super powers is making me weak in the knees.  "I want your lovin' And I want your revenge. You and me could write a bad romance"  Okay, I'm not a Lady Gaga fan but it seemed like really good timing for that song to come on the radio.  It sounds like the description of some sort of super hero/villain romance.  I know all women who love their husbands think they're special... but I *know* mine is. 


Okay, he must have another super power.. making me feel motivated to get off the computer and work out while I have the chance! 

Second Yarn Along

 I decided to join Small Thing's Yarn Along again this week.  Not much to show as I haven't really felt *into* any of the projects I've been working on.  I decided to use the yarn I had put aside for a baby sweater for a relative's newborn for something else as I came to the realization that they would not appreciate it as the "olive branch" it was meant to be.  I decided since it was a long shot for me to actually be able to complete a baby sweater that looked anything like a sweater was kind of laughable anyway I may as well just move on and forget about making that particular sweater.  I suppose it was just meant to be.  The other night during my "me" time after my son fell asleep I watched a few crocheting videos and decided I wanted to start a simple hat.  I didn't know for who or out of what yarn... but I knew I really want to try making a hat.  This morning when I read Ginny's Yarn Along post I KNEW for who and out of what.  Having wanted to do something for the people in Japan and not having funds to donate anything monetarily significant... I had been kind of mentally *stuck* on what to do.  My "giving back"  has consisted of collecting together a box of shoes, purses, clothing and random unused house hold items for donating to our local Goodwill (the box is still sitting in my bedroom waiting for an errand that takes us in the direction of our donation center) and plans to give blood during my husband's several day break between Spring and Summer semesters.

With one of my husband's many piles of course work in the background....... I'm currently paging through "Big Green Cookbook" by Jackie Newcent, Rd and taking some mental notes.  My husband purchased it for me for Christmas after reading some great reviews.  I'm not sure that I love it enough to have purchased it.. but it definitely has some great ideas in it.  It would be a TERRIFIC tool for someone who doesn't know how to cook or doesn't know anything about the importance of buying local and organic food.  It also has some nice tips for people trying to cut back their meat intake.  For a family that is already vegetarian (with the exception of our son who seems to choose vegetarian options over meat anyway-- WOOHOO!) it's not much help in that department.  Never the less I am enjoying reading all of the recommendations and paging through the recipes.

The knitting in the picture is just a simple dishcloth... I was itching to work with some cotton (I love the slipperiness of it.) and decided to use up the remaining cotton I had.  Normally I can whip out a dishcloth in 2-3 days but I haven't really felt as into it as I had hoped.  I expect it to be done by next week though. 

A couple more crocheted flowers from yarn scraps my mom found from her days of needle point...  I'd say these flowers were pretty much a flop... but who knows.. maybe sewed onto the right thing they'll look better than I expect. 

(Sorry about the sideways picture.. not sure how to fix that on blogger) Here is the never ending blanket.  I think I was in the same band of color this time last week.  Normally I am able to whip a band of one color in a week but I ran out of the blue yarn I am using and haven't been able to decide what to do about it.  I'm using a cheap acrylic as I started out with a big bag of free white acrylic yarn from my mother's crocheting days...  I honestly expected the yarn to go much farther  but decided when a few skeins disappeared into the first row I was going to have to add a second color to make the white go farther.  At the time I had a gift card to craft store where I purchased the blue yarn (and eventually more white yarn that sadly doesn't match perfectly) but the gift card is down to a dollar something and I can't decide if I want to wait and hope the blue isn't discontinued and stock up on it when there is eventually a sale... or if I want to just give up on this mess of a project....  Giving up seems like the worst possible idea as I would quite literally be ripping out hundreds of hours of work out.... that's right.. hundreds....  I made it SUPER wide (I think over 7 feet) so no blanket hogs can manage to steal the entire thing...Why oh why didn't I just tell my husband I didn't know how to make him a blanket???  It wouldn't have really been a lie.  I highly doubt I would have gotten myself into this if I would have had a clue how much this crappy acrylic blanket was going to cost financially or mentally!

What it really means...

It figures that the day I wrote a post about not letting drama get to me that enough drama managed to jump into my life that it was impossible to ignore.  It was not creeping, it was jumping out of no where and trying to choke the life out of me.  Ok, so maybe it didn't come from "no where" exactly but it quite definitely was taken above and beyond where it ever needed to go.  I'm still too angry and the wounds are still too fresh for me to be able to talk about it in a completely non-biased way..... especially when it really feels like I was attacked when I was trying to apologize for snippy (at worst) when the other party was already being rude and attempting to trample all over my POV. [Note that although there is one main person who caused the latest burst of drama that there are multiple people mentioned in this post.]

I spent the weekend kind of in a fog.. a depressed, angry, fog.  I couldn't sleep, spent most of the time feeling like I could easily throw up.  I forced myself to get out of the house and attended a coupon swap held by a local mom's group.  I sat there nearly silent, trying to just smile and listen to what everyone was talking about but I found myself constantly thinking about what had transpired and how I could have prevented the whole stupid situation.  However, from what was said on the other party's behalf I think they've been saving it for quite a while...  I was angry enough to come out with the laundry list of things they've said/did to hurt me and many things I could say to purposely hurt them... but I (thankfully) used every ounce of restraint and kept my mouth shut... letting her think she "won" the fight and made me look like the jerk.  Well, job well done..  I believe she did accomplish me looking like the jerk.. and me making a sarcastic (unfortunately) somehow viewable comment to someone on facebook made the situation worse...   What can I say?  I can be a jerk when I'm irritated.... Most people are.   

What hurts me the worst is that she made all these speculations about how I purposely tried to hurt her and the family, which is completely untrue.  According to her, I've also destroyed any chance of our children from ever being close.  This is the SECOND time she has pulled out that hurtful accusation in less than a year.

What sparked this whole mess?  Me mentioning on my facebook page that I had not watched the royal wedding and didn't feel like I missed anything.  I  feel like I am reliving a huge mess from 2 years ago when I said I wasn't a huge Disney fan and caused another family member to stop talking to me.  Really, WHAT THE HECK!?!?! Why does everyone have to take me sharing my opinion with them as a personal attack on them?  Why can't I just not get into big media exploited events and large companies sucking parents dry of their money and not be a total jerk?  And WHY can I not have a conversation with MY friends in MY space on my facebook page and not offend someone?  Do I really have to block people from being able to see what I say?

Well, I guess I do.  I've only shared the fact that I even have a blog with a small handful of people.  I mean the fact that I'm learning to knit and crochet alone seems to welcome people to give me eye rolls and random really strangely rude comments... as if I somehow offend them by just wanting to learn a skill.  I apparently cannot exist with out pretending to be something I'm not to prevent to avoid people's disdain for me.  I understand not every person is going to be your best friend but I also understand what it's like to have to just keep your mouth closed when you don't agree with someone.  I admit that I'm getting worse and worse with the keeping my mouth shut part lately..  I hate to break it to my "elders" some of which are barely 7/8  (and some laughingly only 2-3) years older than me but just because there is a gap in age between us doesn't give you the right to treat me as a child who doesn't deserve to have an opinion (especially when it's being expressed in MY space and no one is forcing you into the conversation.)  I may be young, but I'm not that young anymore.  In a few short years I will be 30...and in what I'm sure will seem like a blink of the eye 40... and then my "elders" will be extra bitchy while they're hitting menopause.  Hopefully we wont have much contact by then because my children will be grown and I wont have as much of a reason to restrain myself from punching someone who gets in my face. (Ok, the chances of me actually ever punching someone are extraordinarily slim....but sometimes...it's really hard to just shut your mouth and walk away.)

My husband and I used to discuss "when" we would move back "home".... When became "if"..."if" seems to be quickly turning to "I wonder where we'll settle down."  We've even briefly discussed moving to another country.  It saddens me that a few short weeks ago we were talking about inviting different family members to come and stay with us and now a stupid argument over a media event and a separately but equally stupid argument over dishes has sparked absolute abhorrence from individuals that should be important parts of our lives. Apologies that were difficult to muster but were just as powerfully sincere have been rejected.

While those individuals are busy trying to punish me, I am busy taking a few steps back and accepting that my family is made of the 5 souls in my home and nothing more.  The love that has chosen to be with me is my family.  Genetics and ties through rituals created by man do not make my family.  Love and acceptance makes my family.