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Thursday, June 30, 2011

I learned something today.....

I still have about 10 boxes that need to be unpacked... and although I have tried to peek through them all I cannot for the life of me find my little recipe box.  I'm not a following recipe kinda gal for the most part... Sauces, casseroles and soups I can just follow my nose and eye to get them to turn out well (most of the time.)  However, when it comes to something baking related, I don't do it often enough to just start throwing things in bowls and have it come out properly.  Tonight when I came to the realization that we had some left over potato pieces (mostly skins), some cooked veggies, pasta sauce, cheese (for once!),  peanut butter (no bread) and some baking ingredients... I decided on a veggie pizza.   Homemade crust (which I've made plenty of times... just not in the last 7 months.) is easy... but I just couldn't recall the ratios....   So I called to my husband from the kitchen "Look up a pizza dough crust for me.  Oil, yeast, water, sugar, flour as the ingredients."  Well, he was only half paying attention and apparently believes all cooking is a breeze.  So he reads out some measurements... 4 1/2 cups of flour... 1 3/4ths tsp salt (which he read as thirteen fourths and started calculating  and spouting out how many tsps that would actually equal.. sometimes Mr. Smarty is a little special) and so on.  I followed his directions, corrected him on the salt measurement but he told me ice cold water to go with the yeast I stopped.  "That can't be right", I said.  Well it was right.... only this recipe calls for being refrigerated over night, pulled out for 2 hours, rolled out, sit for another 2 hours and then cooked on a kind of pan I don't have in a completely different oven from what we have.  *Blank stare at husband*  I could have sworn I said look up a simple recipe...   I refuse to waste the 4.5 cups of flour... and I could swear there's probably SUPPOSED to be some amount of sugar in it even if it's only a tad......but I have some super fancy special pizza dough that will probably be done by sometime next century.  Ok yes, I'm probably being a bit dramatic and it will be more like tomorrow but I blame it on a dinner of peanut-butter on celery and some left over pieces of potato skin (not fancy potato skins mind you.. just the brown kind that surround the potato, even I had to pull out the ketchup.) It probably wont wind up turning out terrifically but if it's edible, I will be happy!

So yes, I learned something tonight... when it comes to cooking... don't trust second hand directions....

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Beating down my anxiety....

I'm tired of hearing myself complain.  I'm tired of being lonely and wishing I could successfully find friends for my little boy... online mom groups haven't gotten us anywhere... People plan playdates and don't show up or never finalize plans...  I need something to force myself to be active in the community, unfortunately church groups are out (don't ask), my son is too young for scouts and it REALLY is too hot to just be constantly outside waiting for kids to come outside.  It must have been fate... just as I was feeling like it was impossible to find something to do that wouldn't cost me money and feeling pretty down that the 3 people in my local mom's group that had emailed me about getting together and then never emailed me back when it came to picking a time or day..... I saw it.  "Event planner needed" ... Obviously for a free mom's group, no planner is going to be paid BUT... I read the description... aside from the title of the planner it was 100% me!  Someone to plan cooking, couponing, crafting events??  Uh, yes please!!  Not only will signing up to do something force me to beat down my pterodactyl sized butterflies but it will be something that I pretty much live to do anyway!  I still find the term "Domestic Goddess" planner super cheesy...... but I've got the mythological  heading-towards-knee-length hair down, now just loose a 100 or so pounds and I'll even look the part :-)

I'm not sure... but I think he's imitating me...

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Yarn Along

I'm so happy to be joining Small Thing's Yarn Along again this week.  I really missed being able to participate while we were in PA for my sister in law's wedding and visiting family for 2 and a half weeks.  I wrote an update on my knitting and crocheting for "Knit for Japan" earlier this week (it can be found here if you're interested.)  Thankfully since then I have finished the in progress washcloth, started and finished a second one in that size and started a child sized one.  I expect to finish the one that is in progress and have the chance to sew up the crocheted hat.

That's all the knitting and crocheting going on around here until after I finish the remaining WIPs in this donation pile and ship out this pile (probably Sat.)  No reading aside from children's books...to be honest I'm in the midst of doing quite the opposite of reading lately... With the addition of another move next year I'm trying to part with everything I can force myself to part with... I fought myself for a few hours and added several of my beloved textbooks to my husband's pile of text book donations to NCSU... not my science ones mind you... I plan to be buried with those (I'm only half joking really...)  This next move will be our 5th move in 5.5 years...... To be honest that alone is making me feel stressed out.  Someone joked with me that we're like a military family... but I know military families.. the military tends to do the packing and moving for you.  As much as I hate having people touch my stuff I know they do it the right way and that there's insurance if something gets broken..  It doesn't work that way when it's just you and your husband trying to do it all.  With not even having 1 person to help us move boxes or furniture and being on the 3rd floor we're going to have to hire someone to come and help us move everything out (we did it for the first time moving in here and my goodness it's such a huge help.)  No clue on where we're moving... I keep crossing my fingers for Ithaca NY (Cornell)... but it could be as small of a move as 20 miles for Duke or Chapel Hill.... or it could be Virginia... or Ohio... or Massachusetts...  Yeah, I'd really like to have a clue.  We should know by mid Jan '12 (moving in May '12)... I suppose it beats the last move where we had less than 6 weeks of notice to find a place to live, celebrate the Christmas holiday, pack up and move several hundred miles away.  At least this time I know it "should" be the last major move for a while... though I said that about 6 months ago when I thought my husband was going to continue getting great financial aid and be able to double major.  This time it's for his graduate degree (he's heading right for his PHD from his BA in Chemistry that was originally supposed to be two BSs one in Chemistry and one in Physics-- yeah, he's a smarty) so if everything goes well we SHOULD be staying put or at worst moving a few miles to a different apartment.... you know.. close enough that I could at least drive back and forth easily.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Feelin' Funky...and not in a good way

I'm stuck in a horrible funk.  Motivation is lost, depression keeps rearing it's ugly head and I am just stuck.  I feel like I can't move forward.  I've had some serious revelations about who I am lately, and how little I relate to the average person and all the people in my life.  Even the most wonderful and accepting people I know I can't talk to because when it comes to politics and religion as we butt heads.  The people I've thought were my friends consider our friendship a one way street it seems.  They can call me when they have a problem that they need to talk out but if I try to call or email them I never get a response.  There are literally less than 5 people (husband included) on this planet that even bother to call and see how I am or return a phone call.  Guess what, 2 of them are my parents (and their motivation to talk to me involves making sure my son is a part of their lives... it's all about him, not staying close to me.)  A handful... maybe 4 keep in contact with me via Facebook... but most of them are sporadic about it.  I understand the world doesn't revolve around me, believe me I know, but I'm the kind of person who normally drops everything the moment my phone rings to at least make sure there's not an emergency or someone isn't having a melt down. 

For the first time boxes filled with stuff are at a reasonable level that I should be able to sort through and eliminate with in a few months.  For the first time all but one piece of furniture is exactly where I want it.  For the first time I'm almost unpacked and have things where I want them.and everything is organized..... In 6 months I will most likely have to pack everything up and be prepared to move again.  The chances of getting to go where we want are slim.  I like this town... I really do... but I have no ties.  No friends, barely even a neighbor who I say more than hello to.  I can't stand the heat.  I want to be somewhere where it snows (where my husband is close enough to walk to school), I want to see lightning bugs every summer night,  I want to know I'm finally close to home... you know.. an apartment that with in a 10 mile radius we're likely to settle down permanently after my husband finishes grad school.  I know I have unrealistic dreams about finding the perfect home that we could lease to own (I'm so tired of apartment living)... you know.. a place where they'd let me garden, paint the walls, maybe put down something other than crappy wall to wall carpeting that makes my allergies go bizzurke.  Somewhere where my son is not close enough to breathe our neighbor's cigarette smoke.  Somewhere I can put up all my pictures even if they make a hole slightly larger than a regular nail.  Somewhere I know I'll be there longer than a year....

My projects have more than out surpassed the number of hours in a day...  A good day lately is a day I manage to go to bed with out wet laundry still in the washing machine and an empty kitchen sink.  I can't remember when we did more than just vacuum the obviously dirty areas. Our carpets look filthy even though there's no obvious reason for the marks.... leave it to two dogs and a two year old to create filth that seems to appear magically.  I go through more rug shampoo than hair shampoo easily. 

I have more "stuff" than any normal person needs... but I'm too freaking sentimental to get rid of most of it.  I'm overwhelmed, sad and lonely and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight.  It's too hot to venture out and be outside for long periods of time... my sun burn will attest to that.  Yes, I am in a funk....  Don't normal people get this way in winter?  I guess I'm just not normal.. but that shouldn't come as a surprise. 

Sunday, June 26, 2011

My Knit for Japan Update

The deadline to ship out items for Knit for Japan is coming so fast.

I'm sad to say I only managed to finish 4 large crocheted adult scarves (2 cotton 2 acrylic), 1 small toddler/child scarf (acrylic), 1 child wash cloth (cotton) and I have one adult sized wash cloth (cotton) ~1/2 completed.  I also have one hat (acrylic) that is crocheted but needs to be assembled... The sides are sewn together but I need to re-watch a tutorial on how to pull the top together and then I need to sew on my sad pom-pom.  I learned something very important from this endeavor..... Crocheting hats makes me angry!!! My work will seem so nice and even... no obvious mistakes... then I look at the top and somehow it's all crooked and looks like I've decreased from the beginning through the end.... If I actually did or not I'm not sure.  I need some serious practice making hats before I get involved with a hat project again!!  I'm so glad scarves and wash cloths were accepted for Knit for Japan!

With a deadline of July 15th I feel the need to plan to send out my box of donations by Sat.  I figure in a week's time I *should* be able to finish assembling the hat, finish the wash cloth and maybe whip out another child sized wash cloth.  I fear if I wait any longer to send it out early that my work may wind up being one of my many "good intentions" projects that never goes anywhere...

Next on my list of yarn related projects:

Complete 2-4 stripes on the never ending blanket (that's where I'll run out of yarn this time)-- 2-4 weeks

2-3 Washable cotton Swiffer covers for my mom's birthday in late Sept --- Probably about 2 weeks for each

Make "yarn" out of old cotton garments that are truly over due to be turned into rags- a day maybe 2

Use "rag"/t-shirt yarn to make a rag rugs for under the kitchen sink and outside the shower and under the dog's water bowl. --- Probably close to a month for each... but maybe less as the "yarn" will probably be thicker than what I'm used to.

Find a knitting/crocheting charity project that I can work on more slowly than Knit for Japan so I can make sure to keep working on family projects. 

.......Something tells me that I'm going to be working on these projects until the end of the year... Where does time go??!?  I probably shouldn't even try to process the fact that Christmas is less than 6 months away and my dad has a birthday in Oct exactly a month after my mom's birthday.... I don't have time to squeeze in learning how to knit socks and whip out a giant pair of men's wool socks do I????!?  You know if they would turn out well he'll request about 10 more pairs by Christmas...

And let us not forget I have sewing (cloth wipes for DS, pillow cases) and other crafting goals as well and an empty etsy store that needs to be stocked.  I need to earn some money to supply my crafting therapy (or addiction depending on how you look at it) right?  I think I'm going to go brew some sun tea so I can caffinate myself up... I need to learn to live on less than 4 hours of sleep to be able to do everything that is expected of me and what I want to do!

Hoping to join the Yarn Along this week.  I've really missed it while in PA for my SIL's wedding for the past 3 Wednesdays.

Friday, June 24, 2011

A Must Needed Purge

We're back!  Two and a half weeks pretty much just flew by in PA.  Nearly every day was filled with a big (expensive) activity to make one special little boy very happy..  All thanks to Mom-Mom, Alex knows what a theme park is like, was able to ride on "the" Thomas the Train, played arcade games at Chuck-E-Cheese and the list goes on..  Pictures and more details than you can stand are sure to follow....

Our trip did not go quite as planned.  Between a summer cold for all 5 (my parents included) of us and some heavy and disheartening realizations about many of the people I've chosen to include in my life, more of our trip was spent in unhappy reflection that I wish to think about. 

A brief meeting between an old friend and I sparked even more unhappy self-reflection about both my own issues and my own downfalls as a friend.  She shared some very personal and very painful things that have been happening in her life.  I wish I could have said more than "I understand"... because I'm sure to her me coming anywhere near "understanding" what she has gone through is laughable.  I wish I could have told her I KNOW what it's like to be hit by someone you love (even if it wasn't for an extended period of time), I know what it's like to be psychologically abused for years and I know that it is somehow even more painful to find the inner strength to just walk away.  I wish I could have told her I understand her other struggles as well even if they're not quite the same... even if we don't have "quite" the same disease.  I KNOW what it's like to struggle to force yourself to do something that is supposed to be one of the most natural things in the world.  I KNOW what it's like to hide from activities that force you to eat around other people... I know all too well what it's like to pretend to just be "normal" while hating yourself for every piece of food that goes into your body.  I know there is no escape from having to eat and that it is a daily struggle.  I also know that she is on her way to a better life because she was honest with herself and her loved ones.. and that she will have the support she needs to "recover" if there is such a thing. 

My husband and I both came home ready to purge "things" from our lives.  We both went through our textbooks, sold 2 of them and donated at least 15 others.  This isn't an easy feat for book loving nerds like us... but it was something that needed to be done... now if only I could part with some more of them... I am in love with my science text books.  Today is the first day that I'm being left "alone" (with our dogs and Alex of course) since getting back yesterday morning and as soon as I can force myself to pull my heart out of my toes I hope to go through my shoes and get rid of a bulk of them and hopefully find a pair of usable sneakers to replace my ratty, hole covered ones I've been wearing.  Much has changed since I posted about how long we will be staying here and we will now be moving most likely in May 12 (saw that one coming didn't I??) when my husband graduates with his Chemistry BA (it was supposed to be a Chemistry BS and a Physics BS or BA in 2014.. but unfortunately that wont be happening due to.. you guessed it... financial aid.)  I can't help but keep my fingers crossed yet again for his acceptance into Cornell University (they were the only school to turn him down for his undergrad degree) but I know his chances are slim even with his intelligence...  Because of us he doesn't have time for extracurricular activities...  If being a wonderful person and the best dad counted he'd be in with no problem.. and his current rank of 1 out of over 5,000 students speaks for itself when it comes to his book smarts.  I wish they could know him... I wish they could know about his plans for his future.. what he wants to do for the planet and for other people.  If they could know him they couldn't turn him away.  Unfortunately there's no way for that to happen... Life isn't fair and we'll move on.  Whatever graduate program he goes into will be lucky to have him and hopefully they will be able to foster his abilities and help him find the RIGHT job to help him follow his dreams.  I know because of him the world will be a better place to live once he's done with it. 

Now... for my wifely and motherly duties... I physically need for us to be more organized for our next move and there is no way to get to that point with out just getting rid of things!

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Preparing for some crafting withdrawl....

As I pack for a 2 + week trip back in PA I keep finding myself adding crafting supplies to my "to pack" pile.  I already have 3 scarves that need ends woven in, a hat that needs its' top closed up and a pom-pom made for its' top, enough yarn to make at least one more full sized scarf and a child sized scarf (all for Knit for Japan!--see side bar for info) as well as my sock needles, fingerling and all kinds of hopes of free time sitting in my parent's backyard with my phone hooked up to their wifi watching youtube videos on sock knitting while my son runs wild and splashes in the kiddie pool with a minimum of 4 sets of eyes watching him so he doesn't drown.  I also have a ton of activities planned for us to attend, 3 days of wedding stuff for my sister-in-law, a date night with my husband (or for my husband and his brother if I decide I'd rather stay home and knit, HA!) with FREE tickets to the new X-Men movie and a bunch of offers for a "quick drink or coffee" with old friends (that you know will turn into a.. come back to my parent's house so I can take Alex home and put him to bed.. then let's chat for a while...which turns into 3, 4 AM!).  So, why do I continuously find myself saving all kinds of recipes for soaps, lotions, candles... and what not for my new etsy shop and find myself thinking that I should really pack my glycerin and molds..... I also should take those picture discs with me so I can take the opportunity to organize the rest of my pictures and order them.  Let's not forget I also promised to go through the remainder of any of my stuff that's at my parent's house... I lucked out having a boy that I didn't have to take my big bins of dolls and their clothing... and shoes... and million other pieces! 

I always do this to myself!  Of course if I under-pack/plan and run out of things to do.. then I'll just "have" to take the 10  minute drive to A.C.Moore and then the 2 minute ride from there to Micheal's (and I hear there's now a Hobby Lobby like an hour away!!) to just get myself through the trip.  There should really be a 12 step program for crafting addiction.  Knowing my addiction I would have to spend the night after the meeting making up some sort of fancy embroidered list with the steps on it or something... In all seriousness though, I will have all of what.. 2 or 3 quiet early nights sitting around at my parents' that I will actually have any time to do any crafting if I'm lucky!  I need to prepare myself to get a whole lot of nothing done for close to the next month between packing and unpacking!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

My Crafting Space Part 2

So much has changed in my crafting space since my last post on it!  I'm so excited for it to be so much neater and easier to access everything!  I've been managing to get "something" crafty done nearly every day!

Some broken jewelery of my mother's was repaired and packed up for our visit.  Other broken pieces saved for the beads, clasps, bits of shiny chain, etc were broken down and categorized (un-savable/unusable pieces were thrown away).  I was pleasantly surprised with how well my little one was about the whole endeavor.  He actually helped me sort the larger beads by color and put them into their designated space.  I only had to fish out 5 or 6 that wound up in the wrong place (thankfully they were not seed beads!) It is amazing how much space just doing that little bit cleared up.  I also had to rearrange my beads and findings as I gave up my little cardboard box that held them in place so that my husband could ship out a trade-in. I keep odd beads in little segmented bins and all of my more bulk beads kept in mini ziplocks categorized by size and color then I categorize them by shade and group similar colors together in larger bags.  Thankfully this is something I did way back when I was living at home so now I just keep up with it as something breaks or I find a great clearance find.  Findings such as clasps are kept in larger containers (like the kind you may see embroidery floss kept in.)  Thankfully they were re-purposed from my childhood beading days. I keep one for gold, one for silver and a smaller one for bronze colored findings.  I also have a few small trays that I use for crystals and current projects. 

I pulled out some less-Christmas-y Christmas cookie tins and used them to organize what little sewing supplies I have and used a mini fabric tote bag to keep all of my iron-on appliques in.  A small vase holds my pin cushion to keep them as far from tiny hands as they can be.  I'm considering putting a safety lock on my hutch just to be extra safe. 

My sewing machine is actually set up (with its' embroidery unit hooked up) for the first time in my home!  A mom from my new mom's group offered to help me learn to sew (with out even having met me before) and helped me get it all set up and actually gave me all of her embroidery thread to play with since she doesn't currently have an embroidery machine.  My slight OCD of course made me go through it all unknot and trim the stray ends that had made a little mess and hook all the little ends into the spools.  If nothing else when it's time to give it back to her it will be neater and easier for her to use!  Of course I haven't really been able to get any sewing done as there's still a bunch of things I need to purchase to get started (stabilizer, new replacement needles, regular thread, a little thing called fabric... though I do have a sheet and some t-shirts ready to practice on.) We're getting ready to head to PA for a visit to my parents and my husband's sister's wedding.  My mom told me she has a bunch of sewing and quilting supplies that she isn't using right now (and probably wont be able to use until she retires) that I can have for the time being.  I'm really hoping that this is the beginning of me learning a skill that will help me as a mother and home maker and in addition help me create things to sell in my etsy shop.  I still don't have anything listed (Knit for Japan is taking my crafting time for the most part until July.) and am trying to take some good pictures for my banner.

Scrapbooking supplies were re-organized and used!  Here is where the... my crafting-space-isn't-too-neat-and-orderly-yet-but-I-don't-care-because-I'm-having-fun part comes in! 

My Cricut saw its first bit of use in probably nearly a year.  I not only actually had a place to use it but also trusted my little guy to listen when I told him to keep his fingers away from the blade and leave my little knife for removing pieces alone.  I can't say that I've felt that way before and considering the machine is loud enough to wake him there hasn't been that many great opportunities to use it.  I enjoy using my Cricut but I'm finding it to be rather useless when it comes to what I need to use it for.. however maybe replacing my mat and using some different types of paper will remedy my issues.  I'm glad it was a gift (as were all the cartridges and accessories except one or two things) because it seems like you need a huge cartridge library to really be able to use it, which makes it kind of a money pit.  Maybe once I get even more into my crafting I'll see if I can find some other people in the area that will be interested in trading cartridges back and forth. I don't have much scrapbooking plans for the next 2 months (other than hopefully ordering pictures.) I would however like to get my etsy shop started up and create tags for my products.  I'm getting closer and closer to being ready.  I want to make sure I have QUALITY items to sell and not just junk I threw together.  I want my items to go through some test runs..(and am currently using about a gallon of a test run of liquid hand-soap that was kind of a flop due to the poor quality hotel soap I used to make it... my liquid soaps will be vegetable based and well.. not icky! :-) )

I was disappointed to find out that not only had one of my good scrapbooking glue sticks had dried out completely having never been used (here's a big hint that I don't do enough crafting!!!) but my other glue sticks aren't nearly sticky enough to use on card stock.  Guess it's time to add them to my little one's crafting bins... yes.. my two year old has crafting supplies.. We do lots of creating in this home!  Most of our supplies are things like stringing beads, pipe-cleaners, markers, crayons, play-doh (until it runs out and we make home-made!) and other things that can be used over and over but we also do some paper crafting for family cards.  I *think* he's ready to use a glue stick.. my apartment complex's carpeting is not ready for him to use liquidy white glue yet!

In other news we have new cell phones with crisp, clear cameras!  Some outages and new towers sent our old phones for a loop and they started to not work properly.  We begrudgingly decided it was time to replace our phones as they were nearly as old as our relationship.  However, when we logged in to see if we qualified for any discounts we found out that we were able to replace BOTH of our phones for FREE!!  Whew!! Nice new phones with good cameras, all covered with nice shiny paint and screens that stay in!  We blocked all the expense features but even with out any extra money we can access Wifi in our home! AAAWWWWEEESOME!  Maybe I'll be able to blog a little more often now since I wont have to wait for the computer :-)

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Yarn Along

Joining the Yarn Along at Small Things again this week. 



No real reading other than children's books this week.  My son is finally actually sitting down and letting us read to him now!

The simple ribbed crocheted scarf I started for the Knit for Japan collection last week was finished last night and another was started. This is most likely the last skein of yarn I will be able to get through before the cut off for collections for Knit for Japan.  Life has become complicated with me opening an etsy shop (nothing is in it yet, but I will post its information when it is) and discussing the possibilities of working on opening another etsy shop co-run with the wonderful woman teaching me to sew. 

Normally I am much more long winded (and have more pictures) but today I am just not in a blogging mood.  I just finished making a police report concerning the vandalism of my car.  About half of the cars in the parking lot of our (very nice) apartment complex were keyed... But my car was special.  The individual felt the need to scrawl the letters "F U" into the side of my car.  I have had no confrontations with anyone here and always make an attempt to be pleasant, wave and say hello to everyone... I know it isn't personal (nor where the other TWO separate keyings of this same car) but it breaks my heart to have my innocent two and a half year old point to my  car and say "Look Mommy, F U!" (he loves to read letters) as if it is a special note just for him on my car...