I learned something today.....

I still have about 10 boxes that need to be unpacked... and although I have tried to peek through them all I cannot for the life of me find my little recipe box.  I'm not a following recipe kinda gal for the most part... Sauces, casseroles and soups I can just follow my nose and eye to get them to turn out well (most of the time.)  However, when it comes to something baking related, I don't do it often enough to just start throwing things in bowls and have it come out properly.  Tonight when I came to the realization that we had some left over potato pieces (mostly skins), some cooked veggies, pasta sauce, cheese (for once!),  peanut butter (no bread) and some baking ingredients... I decided on a veggie pizza.   Homemade crust (which I've made plenty of times... just not in the last 7 months.) is easy... but I just couldn't recall the ratios....   So I called to my husband from the kitchen "Look up a pizza dough crust for me.  Oil, yeast, water, sugar, flour as the ingredients."  Well, he was only half paying attention and apparently believes all cooking is a breeze.  So he reads out some measurements... 4 1/2 cups of flour... 1 3/4ths tsp salt (which he read as thirteen fourths and started calculating  and spouting out how many tsps that would actually equal.. sometimes Mr. Smarty is a little special) and so on.  I followed his directions, corrected him on the salt measurement but he told me ice cold water to go with the yeast I stopped.  "That can't be right", I said.  Well it was right.... only this recipe calls for being refrigerated over night, pulled out for 2 hours, rolled out, sit for another 2 hours and then cooked on a kind of pan I don't have in a completely different oven from what we have.  *Blank stare at husband*  I could have sworn I said look up a simple recipe...   I refuse to waste the 4.5 cups of flour... and I could swear there's probably SUPPOSED to be some amount of sugar in it even if it's only a tad......but I have some super fancy special pizza dough that will probably be done by sometime next century.  Ok yes, I'm probably being a bit dramatic and it will be more like tomorrow but I blame it on a dinner of peanut-butter on celery and some left over pieces of potato skin (not fancy potato skins mind you.. just the brown kind that surround the potato, even I had to pull out the ketchup.) It probably wont wind up turning out terrifically but if it's edible, I will be happy!

So yes, I learned something tonight... when it comes to cooking... don't trust second hand directions....

Beating down my anxiety....

I'm tired of hearing myself complain.  I'm tired of being lonely and wishing I could successfully find friends for my little boy... online mom groups haven't gotten us anywhere... People plan playdates and don't show up or never finalize plans...  I need something to force myself to be active in the community, unfortunately church groups are out (don't ask), my son is too young for scouts and it REALLY is too hot to just be constantly outside waiting for kids to come outside.  It must have been fate... just as I was feeling like it was impossible to find something to do that wouldn't cost me money and feeling pretty down that the 3 people in my local mom's group that had emailed me about getting together and then never emailed me back when it came to picking a time or day..... I saw it.  "Event planner needed" ... Obviously for a free mom's group, no planner is going to be paid BUT... I read the description... aside from the title of the planner it was 100% me!  Someone to plan cooking, couponing, crafting events??  Uh, yes please!!  Not only will signing up to do something force me to beat down my pterodactyl sized butterflies but it will be something that I pretty much live to do anyway!  I still find the term "Domestic Goddess" planner super cheesy...... but I've got the mythological  heading-towards-knee-length hair down, now just loose a 100 or so pounds and I'll even look the part :-)

I'm not sure... but I think he's imitating me...

Yarn Along

I'm so happy to be joining Small Thing's Yarn Along again this week.  I really missed being able to participate while we were in PA for my sister in law's wedding and visiting family for 2 and a half weeks.  I wrote an update on my knitting and crocheting for "Knit for Japan" earlier this week (it can be found here if you're interested.)  Thankfully since then I have finished the in progress washcloth, started and finished a second one in that size and started a child sized one.  I expect to finish the one that is in progress and have the chance to sew up the crocheted hat.

That's all the knitting and crocheting going on around here until after I finish the remaining WIPs in this donation pile and ship out this pile (probably Sat.)  No reading aside from children's books...to be honest I'm in the midst of doing quite the opposite of reading lately... With the addition of another move next year I'm trying to part with everything I can force myself to part with... I fought myself for a few hours and added several of my beloved textbooks to my husband's pile of text book donations to NCSU... not my science ones mind you... I plan to be buried with those (I'm only half joking really...)  This next move will be our 5th move in 5.5 years...... To be honest that alone is making me feel stressed out.  Someone joked with me that we're like a military family... but I know military families.. the military tends to do the packing and moving for you.  As much as I hate having people touch my stuff I know they do it the right way and that there's insurance if something gets broken..  It doesn't work that way when it's just you and your husband trying to do it all.  With not even having 1 person to help us move boxes or furniture and being on the 3rd floor we're going to have to hire someone to come and help us move everything out (we did it for the first time moving in here and my goodness it's such a huge help.)  No clue on where we're moving... I keep crossing my fingers for Ithaca NY (Cornell)... but it could be as small of a move as 20 miles for Duke or Chapel Hill.... or it could be Virginia... or Ohio... or Massachusetts...  Yeah, I'd really like to have a clue.  We should know by mid Jan '12 (moving in May '12)... I suppose it beats the last move where we had less than 6 weeks of notice to find a place to live, celebrate the Christmas holiday, pack up and move several hundred miles away.  At least this time I know it "should" be the last major move for a while... though I said that about 6 months ago when I thought my husband was going to continue getting great financial aid and be able to double major.  This time it's for his graduate degree (he's heading right for his PHD from his BA in Chemistry that was originally supposed to be two BSs one in Chemistry and one in Physics-- yeah, he's a smarty) so if everything goes well we SHOULD be staying put or at worst moving a few miles to a different apartment.... you know.. close enough that I could at least drive back and forth easily.

Feelin' Funky...and not in a good way

I'm stuck in a horrible funk.  Motivation is lost, depression keeps rearing it's ugly head and I am just stuck.  I feel like I can't move forward.  I've had some serious revelations about who I am lately, and how little I relate to the average person and all the people in my life.  Even the most wonderful and accepting people I know I can't talk to because when it comes to politics and religion as we butt heads.  The people I've thought were my friends consider our friendship a one way street it seems.  They can call me when they have a problem that they need to talk out but if I try to call or email them I never get a response.  There are literally less than 5 people (husband included) on this planet that even bother to call and see how I am or return a phone call.  Guess what, 2 of them are my parents (and their motivation to talk to me involves making sure my son is a part of their lives... it's all about him, not staying close to me.)  A handful... maybe 4 keep in contact with me via Facebook... but most of them are sporadic about it.  I understand the world doesn't revolve around me, believe me I know, but I'm the kind of person who normally drops everything the moment my phone rings to at least make sure there's not an emergency or someone isn't having a melt down. 

For the first time boxes filled with stuff are at a reasonable level that I should be able to sort through and eliminate with in a few months.  For the first time all but one piece of furniture is exactly where I want it.  For the first time I'm almost unpacked and have things where I want them.and everything is organized..... In 6 months I will most likely have to pack everything up and be prepared to move again.  The chances of getting to go where we want are slim.  I like this town... I really do... but I have no ties.  No friends, barely even a neighbor who I say more than hello to.  I can't stand the heat.  I want to be somewhere where it snows (where my husband is close enough to walk to school), I want to see lightning bugs every summer night,  I want to know I'm finally close to home... you know.. an apartment that with in a 10 mile radius we're likely to settle down permanently after my husband finishes grad school.  I know I have unrealistic dreams about finding the perfect home that we could lease to own (I'm so tired of apartment living)... you know.. a place where they'd let me garden, paint the walls, maybe put down something other than crappy wall to wall carpeting that makes my allergies go bizzurke.  Somewhere where my son is not close enough to breathe our neighbor's cigarette smoke.  Somewhere I can put up all my pictures even if they make a hole slightly larger than a regular nail.  Somewhere I know I'll be there longer than a year....

My projects have more than out surpassed the number of hours in a day...  A good day lately is a day I manage to go to bed with out wet laundry still in the washing machine and an empty kitchen sink.  I can't remember when we did more than just vacuum the obviously dirty areas. Our carpets look filthy even though there's no obvious reason for the marks.... leave it to two dogs and a two year old to create filth that seems to appear magically.  I go through more rug shampoo than hair shampoo easily. 

I have more "stuff" than any normal person needs... but I'm too freaking sentimental to get rid of most of it.  I'm overwhelmed, sad and lonely and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight.  It's too hot to venture out and be outside for long periods of time... my sun burn will attest to that.  Yes, I am in a funk....  Don't normal people get this way in winter?  I guess I'm just not normal.. but that shouldn't come as a surprise. 

My Knit for Japan Update

The deadline to ship out items for Knit for Japan is coming so fast.

I'm sad to say I only managed to finish 4 large crocheted adult scarves (2 cotton 2 acrylic), 1 small toddler/child scarf (acrylic), 1 child wash cloth (cotton) and I have one adult sized wash cloth (cotton) ~1/2 completed.  I also have one hat (acrylic) that is crocheted but needs to be assembled... The sides are sewn together but I need to re-watch a tutorial on how to pull the top together and then I need to sew on my sad pom-pom.  I learned something very important from this endeavor..... Crocheting hats makes me angry!!! My work will seem so nice and even... no obvious mistakes... then I look at the top and somehow it's all crooked and looks like I've decreased from the beginning through the end.... If I actually did or not I'm not sure.  I need some serious practice making hats before I get involved with a hat project again!!  I'm so glad scarves and wash cloths were accepted for Knit for Japan!

With a deadline of July 15th I feel the need to plan to send out my box of donations by Sat.  I figure in a week's time I *should* be able to finish assembling the hat, finish the wash cloth and maybe whip out another child sized wash cloth.  I fear if I wait any longer to send it out early that my work may wind up being one of my many "good intentions" projects that never goes anywhere...

Next on my list of yarn related projects:

Complete 2-4 stripes on the never ending blanket (that's where I'll run out of yarn this time)-- 2-4 weeks

2-3 Washable cotton Swiffer covers for my mom's birthday in late Sept --- Probably about 2 weeks for each

Make "yarn" out of old cotton garments that are truly over due to be turned into rags- a day maybe 2

Use "rag"/t-shirt yarn to make a rag rugs for under the kitchen sink and outside the shower and under the dog's water bowl. --- Probably close to a month for each... but maybe less as the "yarn" will probably be thicker than what I'm used to.

Find a knitting/crocheting charity project that I can work on more slowly than Knit for Japan so I can make sure to keep working on family projects. 

.......Something tells me that I'm going to be working on these projects until the end of the year... Where does time go??!?  I probably shouldn't even try to process the fact that Christmas is less than 6 months away and my dad has a birthday in Oct exactly a month after my mom's birthday.... I don't have time to squeeze in learning how to knit socks and whip out a giant pair of men's wool socks do I????!?  You know if they would turn out well he'll request about 10 more pairs by Christmas...

And let us not forget I have sewing (cloth wipes for DS, pillow cases) and other crafting goals as well and an empty etsy store that needs to be stocked.  I need to earn some money to supply my crafting therapy (or addiction depending on how you look at it) right?  I think I'm going to go brew some sun tea so I can caffinate myself up... I need to learn to live on less than 4 hours of sleep to be able to do everything that is expected of me and what I want to do!

Hoping to join the Yarn Along this week.  I've really missed it while in PA for my SIL's wedding for the past 3 Wednesdays.