We're back! Two and a half weeks pretty much just flew by in PA. Nearly every day was filled with a big (expensive) activity to make one special little boy very happy.. All thanks to Mom-Mom, Alex knows what a theme park is like, was able to ride on "the" Thomas the Train, played arcade games at Chuck-E-Cheese and the list goes on.. Pictures and more details than you can stand are sure to follow....
Our trip did not go quite as planned. Between a summer cold for all 5 (my parents included) of us and some heavy and disheartening realizations about many of the people I've chosen to include in my life, more of our trip was spent in unhappy reflection that I wish to think about.
A brief meeting between an old friend and I sparked even more unhappy self-reflection about both my own issues and my own downfalls as a friend. She shared some very personal and very painful things that have been happening in her life. I wish I could have said more than "I understand"... because I'm sure to her me coming anywhere near "understanding" what she has gone through is laughable. I wish I could have told her I KNOW what it's like to be hit by someone you love (even if it wasn't for an extended period of time), I know what it's like to be psychologically abused for years and I know that it is somehow even more painful to find the inner strength to just walk away. I wish I could have told her I understand her other struggles as well even if they're not quite the same... even if we don't have "quite" the same disease. I KNOW what it's like to struggle to force yourself to do something that is supposed to be one of the most natural things in the world. I KNOW what it's like to hide from activities that force you to eat around other people... I know all too well what it's like to pretend to just be "normal" while hating yourself for every piece of food that goes into your body. I know there is no escape from having to eat and that it is a daily struggle. I also know that she is on her way to a better life because she was honest with herself and her loved ones.. and that she will have the support she needs to "recover" if there is such a thing.
My husband and I both came home ready to purge "things" from our lives. We both went through our textbooks, sold 2 of them and donated at least 15 others. This isn't an easy feat for book loving nerds like us... but it was something that needed to be done... now if only I could part with some more of them... I am in love with my science text books. Today is the first day that I'm being left "alone" (with our dogs and Alex of course) since getting back yesterday morning and as soon as I can force myself to pull my heart out of my toes I hope to go through my shoes and get rid of a bulk of them and hopefully find a pair of usable sneakers to replace my ratty, hole covered ones I've been wearing. Much has changed since I posted about how long we will be staying here and we will now be moving most likely in May 12 (saw that one coming didn't I??) when my husband graduates with his Chemistry BA (it was supposed to be a Chemistry BS and a Physics BS or BA in 2014.. but unfortunately that wont be happening due to.. you guessed it... financial aid.) I can't help but keep my fingers crossed yet again for his acceptance into Cornell University (they were the only school to turn him down for his undergrad degree) but I know his chances are slim even with his intelligence... Because of us he doesn't have time for extracurricular activities... If being a wonderful person and the best dad counted he'd be in with no problem.. and his current rank of 1 out of over 5,000 students speaks for itself when it comes to his book smarts. I wish they could know him... I wish they could know about his plans for his future.. what he wants to do for the planet and for other people. If they could know him they couldn't turn him away. Unfortunately there's no way for that to happen... Life isn't fair and we'll move on. Whatever graduate program he goes into will be lucky to have him and hopefully they will be able to foster his abilities and help him find the RIGHT job to help him follow his dreams. I know because of him the world will be a better place to live once he's done with it.
Now... for my wifely and motherly duties... I physically need for us to be more organized for our next move and there is no way to get to that point with out just getting rid of things!
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